Ari Schindler

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      By accessing this site and reading these three words, you renounce your current citizenship and authorize me to sleep with your sister, your wife or girlfriend, and whichever of your employees or coworkers gets the most attention by wearing a slinky black dress to the company Christmas party. Further, you acknowledge that Zardoz is the best worst movie of all time, that Google is evil, that the only decent food at El Coyote is the ostrich taco, and that you will no longer shop at Whole Foods until they stop the industrialized murder of lobsters.

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